Ummm, I can not find the lap on this one

Ella coming has not helped relations with the pets on the home front. I have 4 pets. I say me, because, all of the pets came into our house without Drew's' full consent. This means that I am in charge of taking care of them. 4 pets and one child has gotten to be too much, so I have decided to downsize. I have three guinea pigs (Ford, Roger, and Betty) and one cat (Fitz). Fitz and I have discussed it and we have decided that Fitz will no longer be a pet. I am hiring Fitz as a temporary employee. Depending on how it works out, it might become permanent. Fitz is the house lap warmer and couch cushion impersonator. He has had a lot of experience at both of these positions. Since we live in the North, I think the lap warmer is the more useful of the two position (duct tape will be available to get rid of any unwanted hair on guests). My guinea pigs are another story. Ford has always been my favorite, being the smartest and lest likely to bite, of the three. I have decided to keep Ford as my pet. Ford has petitioned to keep Betty and Roger as her pets. Apparently food is not enough, she needs a little more entertainment. It is fine with me and she has been busy teaching Betty and Roger to paint her toenails. It seems the lack of opposable thumbs is the main stumbling block.